Life is Not Fair

If you say life is not fair, you are absolutely correct. It never has been and never will be.

That statement implies helplessness, frustration, and uncertainty. It also implies an unpredictable future. Whether you shake your metaphorical fist at yourself, others or God, this statement indicates you’re at a crossroads.

What typically comes before or after that observation is a simple but complicated two words: Why me?

If you’re an injured worker who was at the wrong place at the right time, it can be a debilitating question. Their day started like every other day and then something unexpected happened that created a murky future. Asking “Why Me?” looks back on what ifs and looks forward to what may be. It is a rabbit hole of negativity that seeds doubt and weakens fortitude. It creates opportunity for poor choices, bitterness, and lack of cooperation.

Alternatively, it can be a time for introspection that leads to a new attitude, embracing opportunity instead of victimhood. Of investing in the grind of moment-to-moment progress, knowing that at times movement can be imperceptibly incremental. It can lead to humble cooperation with others that want to help. It can initiate a recognition of the influence one person can have from leading by example. The world (or maybe just a few close friends) watches responses to challenges that can have a generational butterfly effect.

These thoughts became relevant to me, again, on March 1.

My daughter-in-law battled breast cancer in 2020-21. Although there were physical and emotional ups and downs after she rang the bell, everything had returned to (kind of) normal. That is until I received a call from her husband, my son, on March 1 asking us to pick up our granddaughters as they were driving to the ER. Much uncertainty, including conversations about worst case scenarios, dominated their time in the hospital (and my thoughts). On March 12, the diagnosis was a return of the cancer but a type that has a very clear treatment plan. She was discharged from the hospital on March 14, received her first chemo treatment on March 18, and knows what will be required for the remainder of her (hopefully long, long) life.

My mom, their grandmother, tearfully said “life is not fair” after I took her to visit them in the hospital. We all said “why them” at various times. However, in her inspiring but real posts on CaringBridge, it was obvious that attitude is everything. In the face of a potentially bleak future, the two of them maintained a positive but realistic perspective. They contemplated the macro while managing the micro. As best they could, they dwelled on the positive. Their attitude, plus caring clinicians and prayers by hundreds of people, is what helped all of us manage 13 incredibly challenging days.

If you are helping an injured worker, the goal is to guide them away from Why Me victimhood and towards What Next empowerment. Understanding their fears and anxieties comes from a transparent discussion built on earned trust. Asking open ended questions and then intently listening to what they share will help create an action plan (for you and them).

Mike Tyson once said, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.” Vince Lombardi said, “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”

Life is not fair. You will get knocked down / punched in the face. It’s how you respond, often with the help of others, that disproportionately determines the outcome.